Broken bonds
by msashlyjudd8
Summary: After the events of 1x05 Alec is feeling lost.


**Author's Note: I don't know what the hell fanfiction did to my story, but this is being re-uploaded. Somehow a chapter from SKAM was uploaded in the place of this fic...I don't even know. Anyway, This is being uploaded again to the original one-shot about shadowhunters.**

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 **After episode 1x05, I was left feeling very sad and angry for Alec. I wrote this after all the spoiler pics came out, and before the sneak peek video's. This is in no way cannon. I simply took all the spoiler pictures and made up my own story, revolving around my favorite Character. Alec Lightwood.**

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Alec and Jace don't speak after the fight. Even when Alec ends up at Magnus' loft. They co-exist around each other; Never really holding eye contact. Jace is still angry that, once again, Clary was almost killed. Alec was still reeling from the hurtful things that Jace said to him, back at the wolf hideout. Never had Jace ever spoken to him that way. Jace had never looked at Alec in such distrust, and anger. It wasn't the first time Jace had raised his voice, since the redhead had shown up, but Alec had let it go. This time was different. The ache his bones and his heart, were telling him that he was losing Jace. The trio that He, Izzy and Jace had formed was no more. Now Clary Frey would forever be apart their group, and nothing would ever be the same.

As soon as Luke was stable enough, Alec slipped out of the Warlock's loft and made his way home. Jace would be staying by Clary's side, which meant he wouldn't be home that night. Izzy had never had girlfriends growing up, and she and Clary had become close, which meant that Izzy would probably be gone the whole night too.

It was as if Clary had shown up and stolen his life.

What was he supposed to do now?

Alec has been groomed his whole life to be a leader. It was his job to make sure that things ran smoothly. It was his job to make sure that Izzy and Jace came home unharmed. He had failed on all accounts. Jace had almost been killed by the memory demon. It had been his job to protect Clary, and she had easily slipped from the institute, and gotten herself kidnapped. He failed. Again. As Alec lay in is bed that night, he realized that Jace was right. His best...all his training, all his hard work, none of it was good enough.

###

Alec woke the next morning and dressed quickly. He left his room with the intentions of finding his father. He was going to ask for a change in assignment. Now that his parents were back in New York, Alec was going to ask if he could be relocated to Idris. He was old enough to be the New York institute representative with the Clave. His Shadowhunter abilities were lacking, and so he wanted to be somewhere where his skills wouldn't get anyone hurt or killed. He would miss Jace, Izzy, and Max but it was best for everyone involved that he leave.

"Hey, big brother, where are you going in such a hurry?"

Alec turned to his sister, who was dressed very conservatively in a black turtleneck and long white coat. She was still beautiful, but she just wasn't Izzy without her skin tight dresses and nine inch heels.

"I was looking for Dad. How is Luke?"

"His wounds are mostly healed, Magnus said he just needs rest."

Alec nodded, as they walked on toward the library, where his parents spent most of their time.

"I think Magnus also convinced Clary to stay in his loft, for now, where his wards can keep her safe."  
"Well lets hope he has better luck getting her and Jace to fallow orders, it never worked for me."

Alec ignored Izzy's worried look. She wasn't stupid, she knew something was terribly wrong. When they reached the door to the library Alec turned to his sister.

"I need to speak to Mom and Dad in private, Izzy." He said gently. "If everything works out, I'll come and find you, Okay?"

"Alec, what is going on?" The worried look on her face made his chest hurt. How could he just leave her? They had always kept each other safe in battle. He would give his life for her, and for Jace. It was going to kill him to leave her, but it was for the best. It had to be."

"Don't worry, Izzy," Alec said, as he stepped forward to kiss the top of her head. "Everything is going to be fine." And then he turned and slipped into the library, closing the door behind him.

Izzy had her cell phone out of her pocket before the door to the library closed.

"Hello?"

"Jace!" Isabelle, exclaimed. "Something is wrong with Alec."

"What do you mean?" Jace replied, "Has he been hurt?"

"No, he's not hurt, but he's acting weird and he asked for a private meeting with mom and dad."

"Izzy, Alec is the acting head of the institute. He has meetings all the time, that doesn't mean something is wrong, you're just being dramatic."

Anger bubbled up inside Isabel so fast her hands started to shake.

"I am not being dramatic. But, you know what Jace? Don't worry about it. I'll figure out what is wrong with Alec myself. It's not like your his parabatai or anything!"

With that, she slammed her finger on the red button and ended the phone call. Jace could be such an idiot sometimes.

###

An hour later, Alec stepped out of the library. It had been a battle, figuratively speaking, dealing with his parents. When he brought up moving to Idris, they had both vehemently denied his request. Then he explained that he felt like he was off his...game was the wrong word. He felt disconnected. Alec explained that he had made mistakes that had almost cost them Jace and Clary's life. He explained that he needed to step away from the institute, just for a little while, so he could clear his head and figure out what it was that was bothering him so much. Alec knew what the problem was, but he wasn't going to tell his parents. He hadn't even really admitted it to himself yet.

They talked and Alec pleaded, and when it was over, his parents decided that he could be the go between for the New York institute and the clave. They would only allow six months, and then they expected him to resume his role in New York. He would move to the Lightwood house in Idris and begin his new duties the next day.

Alec headed toward his bedroom to pack his clothes. Izzy would come and find him eventually and he would have to tell her he was leaving.

"Alec!"

Alec spun around and smiled as his little brother, Max, ran to him hugging his legs. Alec laughed and crouched down to his little brother's eye level.

"Hey, Max. It's good to see you. How long have you been back?"

"Me and dad just got back this morning. I wanted to come in and wake you up, but mom said to let you sleep."

Alec stood back up and offered two of his fingers to Max, who wrapped his tiny hand around them, as they walked toward Alec's room. Max regaled Alec with stories of his trip to Mumbai. Alec smiled and nodded along, while he tried to keep the tears, that were burning behind his eyes, from showing.

"I met this girl shadowhunter, and her favorite weapon was a bow and arrow, just like you!"

Alec laughed as he let himself and Max into his bedroom. He swooped down and picked up Max, gently dumping him on the soft bed. Alec walked to the closet and pulled out a suite case, his mother would be accompanying him to Idris to make sure he got settled in, and then she would return to New York. Alec was to be packed and ready to leave by dinner time, in which time he was expected to let everyone know what was happening. Everyone, meaning Jace and Isabelle.

"I bet she wasn't as cool as me though, huh?"

Max giggled and plopped down against the pillows. "I told her that my big brother was really good with a bow and arrow too. She said she would show me how to shoot one, but dad said no."

Alec emptied the last drawers into the case, and turned back to get the few weapons that he kept in his room.

"That's because weapons are very dangerous. Jace, Izzy and I have trained a long time, and we still practice, so that we can be safe when we use them. Don't worry though, you're a Lightwood. Give it a couple years and you will be big and strong like me and Izzy, and you will find the weapon that suites you."

"That's what dad said, too. I can't wait until I'm old enough to get my runes, being a shadowhunter is so cool!"

Alec wanted to tell him how dangerous it was; how he has scars on is body from the battles they have fought. He wanted to tell him that some days it all seemed so hopeless and never-ending. He wanted to tell him all the things that he could never tell anyone. Like how some days he just wanted to hug his mother, or have his father tell him how proud he was. He wanted to tell him that being a Lightwood, was the equivalent to being a soldier. You had to repress any emotion you may feel and carry on with the fight. You had to train and practice even when you were too tired to move.

He wanted to tell Max that everyday he fought this deep seeded fear that his parents would discover his secret. The light he saw in Max's eyes, when he talked about growing up to be like his big brothers kept him from saying anything.

"How come you are packing? Are you going on a trip?"

And then there was the fact that he was leaving. He was leaving his parabatai, and his sister and his little brother. It felt a little like he was giving up.

"Um...Yeah. Sort of. I'm going to Idris to stay for a while. I'm old enough now that I can attend council meetings and I want to learn everything I can, so that I can be ready to run the institute someday."

It was the best excuse he could come up with, that Max would understand.

"How long will you be gone?" Max asked, eyes shining.

A lump formed in Alec's throat and he had to look away. He focused on zipping up his suite case and pulling it off the bed. And when he had nothing left to distract himself, he cleared his throat and met the eyes of his little brother.

"I'll be gone for six months."

Max bowed his head and stared at his hands. When he didn't say anything for a few moments, Alec moved to sit next to him on the bed.

"Hey, you know I'll miss you the most right?" Max nodded, but his eyes stayed in his lap. Alec's eyes filled with tears as he watched his brother. He felt like such a coward for leaving. "They don't have phones in Idris, but if you ever want to talk to me or see me, all you have to do is have Izzy send me a fire message, and I will come as soon as I possibly can, okay?"

Max nodded again, and then stood up, on the bed, so that he could wrap his tiny arms around Alec's neck.

"Hey," Alec tried to say, but had to clear the lump from his throat and start again. "Hey, how about we go to the weapons room and I show you how I use my bow and Arrow?"

"Okay," Max said, suddenly animated again.

###

Alec touched his hand to the wall and waited for the weapons to slide out of the wall, and then he reached for his bow and two arrows. Alec opened his mouth to tell his little brother, that he has to bless his arrows with his stele before he uses them, but before he could a sickening explosion of wood and growling rang through the institute. Alec was instantly on alert. He spun around to see that a forsaken had breached the wards, and now stood in the training room. Alec had the arrow loaded and shot before he even had time to think. The arrow hit the forsaken demon dead center of his back, but Alec hadn't had time to bless his arrow, so the demon was injured but it didn't immediately go down.

Alec's heart stuttered and then kicked in double time. He spun around and yelled for one of the other shadowhunters to get Max out of there, and then he was moving toward the training room. The second arrow sailed over the demons shoulder, missing him completely. Alec dropped his bow because he was out of arrows and ran to grab a sariph blade from the wall. The demon was faster though, before Alec had time to turn around, the demon swiped at him with his claws and caught the shadowhunter along his left side.

Alec cried out in pain; his knees giving out as he dropped to the floor.

"Alec!" Isabelle's panicked voice rang out, and then suddenly she was there, covering him with her body, shielding him from the demon. Alec pressed his shaking hand to the wound as blood seeped through his black shirt and dripped onto the floor of the training room. Hodge flew into the training room with a roar of anger, and kicked the demon away from the lightwood siblings. The demon flew back against the back wall, and that gave hodge enough time to grab a blade and throw it. The blade lodged in the center of its chest, killing it instantly.

Alec's breaths were labored as he lay in pain. The claw marks were deep and Alec was becoming lightheaded from the blood loss.

"Do something, Hodge!" Isabelle pleaded, "I don't have my stele!"

Hodge dropped down beside the two. He took hold of Alec's shirt and ripped it apart, sending buttons flying every which way. Alec's skin was torn in four parallel claw marks across the left side of his torso. Hodge reached behind his neck and pulled his shirt over his head bunching it into a ball, pressing it to the bleeding wound. Alec cried out in agony, and when the pain finally became to much, his eyes rolled to the back of his head as he passed out.

###

Two hours and a visit from the silent brothers, and Alec was finally stable. The torn skin had almost totally healed over, but he had four angry red scars and some internal injuries that still needed to heal. He would live, but he would be in pain for a while. The silent brothers gave him something to keep him asleep, to allow his body to heal. Isabelle left her parents at Alec's bedside, and stepped out into the hall. She wiped her tear streaked face, and took out her phone.

"Hello, Izzy. Have you called to yell at me again? Because I'm sort of in the middle of something. Luke said that Clary's mom had this ability..."

"Jace," Isabelle whispered, "You need to come home."

"I can't come home right now, Izzy. Luke thinks that Clary might be able..."

"NO!" Isabelle shouted. "You need to come home now! A forsaken got passed the wards and attacked Alec. He was injured badly."

"W-What? How bad is it? Is he okay?"

Isabelle sniffed, as she started to cry again. "The silent brothers say he's stable. They gave him something to put him in a coma, so that his body has time to heal. You should be here, Jace."

A spike of terror raced up Jace's spine. The last time he spoke to Alec, they had fought. What if that was the last time he saw his parabatai alive?

"I'll be right there." Jace hung up the phone and turned to where Clary and Luke sat with Simon. "Clary, get your things together, we have to go."

"What? Why?" She replied, confused. They were just starting to make progress.

"That was Izzy on the phone. A demon got passed the wards of the institute. Alec was attacked and hurt. It's bad, we need to go now."

"Oh my god, is he going to be okay?"

"I don't know."

###

Jace jumped from the mundanes van and ran ahead. He threw the doors to the institute open and took off down the long hall. He turned the corner and ran down another long hall, where he came to a skidding halt where Isabelle stood, outside the infirmary. In any other situation it would have been funny to see her makeup. She looked like a racoon, with black streaks down her cheeks where her eyeliner and mascara had run, as she cried.

Clary and Simon finally caught up to Jace, and they all stood outside the infirmary looking inside where Alec lay. He was on his back with white bandages covering the whole left side of his torso. Mayrse and Robert Lightwood sat on either side of their son, each one holding one of Alec's hands. This was bad. Clary's hand came up to cover her mouth, as tears filled her eyes.

"Um...Clary, Simon, could I please have a moment alone with my brother?"

Jace seemed to be frozen. His eyes were glued to his parabatai.

"Yeah, of course," Clary said, "We'll be in my room."

As soon as Clary and Simon were gone, Isabelle rounded on her brother.

"You hurt him!" The words came out so full of venom and anger, that Jace took a step back.

"What?" Jace replied, confused.

"You heard me. I said, you hurt him."

"Izzy, I wasn't even here. You said a demon got passed the wards."

Isabelle laughed, without any humor, and shook her head.

"I'm not talking about the damn demon, Jace! I'm talking about two days ago, and two days before that. The way you have been treating him. I tried to stay out of it, but I'm done being quiet."

Jace narrowed his eyes at his sister. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you!" She snapped, and then she took a deep breath to calm herself.

"Look, Jace, I like Clary, I really do. But you are totally blind when it comes to her. You blame Alec every time something goes wrong, even though it's not his fault."

"It was his job to protect her Izzy..."

"There you go again, defending her...like it doesn't matter that she snuck out of the institute as soon as she could. It doesn't seem to matter that Alec went after her, and tried to help her get what she needed from her room. How exactly was he supposed to protect her from a pack of wolves, by himself?"

When Jace said nothing, Isabelle softened her voice.

"He idolizes you, Jace. You know that. Even if you don't want to admit it."

Jace closed his eyes and lowered his head.

"Now, imagine the person who is supposed to love him the most, his parabatai, tells him that he's not good enough. Can you even comprehend how much that hurt him?"

"I'm sorry, Izzy." Jace whispered. "I'll make it up to him when he wakes up."

Isabelle shook her head sadly at her brother.

"I think it's too late for that."

Jace's head snapped up, "What? I thought you said he was going to be okay."

"Alec is going to be fine, Jace. He just needs to rest. Remember when I called you this morning, and told you that he was in a private meeting with mom and dad?"

Jace nodded.

"Alec went to them and petitioned to be transferred to Idris."

"What?!" Jace exclaimed. "What the hell did he do that for?"

"He told mom and dad that he felt disconnected, and it was causing him to make mistakes. He told them he needed to step away and figure out what is going on."

Both of Jace's hand came up to cover his shocked face, and then slid into his hair. And then he started to pace back and forth.

"Oh god, oh god, nonono, this can't be happening."

"It's about time you took off your Clary shaped glasses, and saw what is really going on."

"I'll fix this, Izzy, I promise."

"You better."

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 **Let me know what you think? Spot any errors?**


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